the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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