where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
