ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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