She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
