I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
party gras won. party gras always wins.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
