im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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