i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
