Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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