chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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