The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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