Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
