I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
