she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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