hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
