road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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