I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
