Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
