i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
