He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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