Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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