so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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