You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize