pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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