Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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