I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
