I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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