a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
