P.S. I can't hear my feet
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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