At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
