Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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