Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
