so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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