what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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