just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
