my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
