Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
