I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
