"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
