How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
