With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize