I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
