how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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