He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
