I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love you.
Bad choice
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