pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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