I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
