He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
