I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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