Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
