Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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