Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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