Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Randomize
