Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
