what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
