dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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