you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
