Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
