I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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