I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
