We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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