hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
