Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
