He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
