I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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