Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
