hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
