And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
