there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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