I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
