I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
