this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
