I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize