im drinking this country out of the recession.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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