Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
