dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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